he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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