i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
