Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
