It's Friday. Sex?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My cat gives me a boner
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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