I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize