$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
