His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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