Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
