Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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