.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
