Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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