I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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