What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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