she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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