hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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