Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
