you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
