Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
