It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
