Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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