I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
