Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
