So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize