I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
