i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
