Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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