What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
In America we eat man semen.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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