Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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