The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
