chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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