i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
