Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
