I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
