She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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