i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
