32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
