cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
