Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize