After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
