There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
