I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I currently don't understand fingers.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
