areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
babies were throwing up all over the place
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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