i would punch a child for taco bell
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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