Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
