oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
