You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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