I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
