lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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