I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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