i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
