Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
