While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
