3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize