I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
