I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
