you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drake has all the answers
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
