Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
