i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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