It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize