I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
