Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
