worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
