I think my vagina is haunted
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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