Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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