Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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