When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
