Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
