Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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