So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
