I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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