How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
