i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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