i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
