my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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