first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
