i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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