I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
birth control should be required to get into college
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
