I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
