i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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