OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize