Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
