I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
