He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
