just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
