if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
