My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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