margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
