I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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