I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
