Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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