I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize