I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
