Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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