Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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