he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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