Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
