she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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