I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
