Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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