you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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